Fitting in
Feb. 4th, 2007 02:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I kinda feel lost. I kinda feel like I don't fit in. It's werid, but latley, I just don't feel like I belong. I have a lot to do, but it seems like I have no where to go. I feel like my life has no direction! I don't know what has changed, and I cannot recall feeling this way before.
I was at Bearracuda tonight, and I felt like I was a major outsider, I could not figure out how to break into what was going on there. There were plenty of people who know me, and I know them, but I could just not get into ther converstaions, or the grove of the environment.
When I got there, I did have a nice converstaion with one guy who I knew, who is about my age, but I just could not talk to others. I was sitting there helpless!
I think it is probably because I am practically living alone. Before Christmas, there was always someone here. The roomate, or the boyfriend. I don't have either of them here anymore. I am probalby just feeling lonely! And while going out I thought was supposed to help curb that, it does not seem to be working.
The one thing I have really enjoyed this past month is going country dancing with
telecommunicate! TERPSICHORE, or Kira as I called him the other night. My dance muse. Thanks J.P.
I think I am going to start spending my weekends at home, except for Sundance Saloon. Catch up on tv, watch netflix dvd's, work on Stompede planning. Spring clean the apartment. Definatly do other things then go out to the bars.
It is weird, I didn't know being so popular would feel so lonely.
I was at Bearracuda tonight, and I felt like I was a major outsider, I could not figure out how to break into what was going on there. There were plenty of people who know me, and I know them, but I could just not get into ther converstaions, or the grove of the environment.
When I got there, I did have a nice converstaion with one guy who I knew, who is about my age, but I just could not talk to others. I was sitting there helpless!
I think it is probably because I am practically living alone. Before Christmas, there was always someone here. The roomate, or the boyfriend. I don't have either of them here anymore. I am probalby just feeling lonely! And while going out I thought was supposed to help curb that, it does not seem to be working.
The one thing I have really enjoyed this past month is going country dancing with
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
I think I am going to start spending my weekends at home, except for Sundance Saloon. Catch up on tv, watch netflix dvd's, work on Stompede planning. Spring clean the apartment. Definatly do other things then go out to the bars.
It is weird, I didn't know being so popular would feel so lonely.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-04 01:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-04 04:15 pm (UTC)I believe that many things go in natural cycles. Definitely listen to your inner voice and see what will make you happy now. It may not be the same things that "worked" before.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-04 08:23 pm (UTC)IMHO, it is also sometimes good to find out how to be comfortable just being by yourself. Take stock in what you like about you and how, when you are comfortable, you can share that "fabulous you-ness" with other people.
There is a LOT of you to love (and no, that is NOT a size joke, cock or waist). And I for one, do!
Also, if I remember correctly, you blogged in the past the power of telling people what you need or want, and I bet this post will get a lot of attention from folks who care and want to make you feel wanted for company.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-04 04:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-04 05:22 pm (UTC)I can recommend taking a little 5HTP supplement daily, it helped even out my mood swings when I was going through the house sale and stuff.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-04 06:45 pm (UTC)What *is* "Popular", anyway?
Date: 2007-02-04 07:14 pm (UTC)I've suffered all my life from always feeling like an outsider. To a certain extent, gay square dancing has helped ameloriate that feeling ... until after the dancing's over, and everyone else suddenly takes off in seven other directions, leaving me all alone.
For about 5 or 6 years now, I've found that setting myself up somewhere visible and easily accessible (e.g., a square dance convention's hotel lobby) will usually result in some VERY nice people coming over to sit down and talk to me. These people - often outsiders and loners themselves - tend to have fascinating stories, are highly entertaining, and many of them have become very good friends with me over the years.
We don't know each other terribly well, but I suspect that both Randy and I would enjoy getting to know you better. (And perhaps toss a friendly otter or two your way when we run across 'em.)
Perhaps we could get together at Peter's Coffee Shop (next to Millbrae BART) for lunch or dinner ... ?
And I'll second
I can't offer much, but....
Date: 2007-02-04 07:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-04 10:19 pm (UTC)But... what I'm trying to say here is rationally I know SO many of us have these feelings from time to time, even a big ol socialite like you mister. I'm not sure that "hanging at home alone watching dvds and tv" is the right answer here tho... dealing with feeling out of place by becoming a hermit... yeeeeah... that doesn't help things methinks.
You'll be fine sweetie and hopefully this will pass quick for ya. xoxox
no subject
Date: 2007-02-04 11:46 pm (UTC)I think it's a normal, reoccurring part of the human existence.
Don't isolate yourself too much, you don't wanna go into a "shame spiral", Poodle!
It's not weird
Date: 2007-02-05 12:24 am (UTC)The trick, I fear, about spending time alone, is that you got to enjoy your own company. People who do that well are few and far between- and to be sure, I'm not one of them, either.
But on the plus- you are a good man, a mover, and capable of doing great things when you set your mind to it. Social life is pretty much like the rest of the world- at the heart of it all, it's all cause and affect. Nothing about your current social circumstance is truly set in stone - all you got to do is frocus on how best to change your current course, je?
Hugs, sir; you deserve 'em
no subject
Date: 2007-02-05 03:46 pm (UTC)And being alone isn't necessarily a bad thing, either. When you go OUT, you can be around the folks that you know and who love you. But when you're home, now you have DAVE time. Use that. Revel in it. We all need time to ourselves and time surrounded by our friends. It's just that you're going through a change right now, and change is rarely easy... but change is GOOD! Try to focus on that.
OK, enough of my inspirational speech now LOL Just know that being alone physically in your home doesn't mean that you're really "alone". XOXOX
no subject
Date: 2007-02-05 04:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-05 08:42 pm (UTC)There are lots of changes going on in your life now. The split with Sam, Richard the roomate getting out there, Richard the ex moving to Texas...these changes are bound to have an effect on you.
I have also noticed however that you are a man who likes ....well, let's say A LOT of stimulation and positive affirmation....preferably from younger otters. Any other type of guy, well...doesn't count. I have grown to accept this in you as part of who you are. I think that you actually get even more people knocking on your door than you realize so try to be more open to that. I am not saying you need to go to bed with men who don't turn you on....just be open to interacting with them at some level. Your feelings will pass. They probably already have.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-06 10:31 pm (UTC)You are never alone.
xoxo Drew
no subject
Date: 2007-02-06 10:38 pm (UTC)