Fitting in

[dhbearguy]

I kinda feel lost. I kinda feel like I don't fit in. It's werid, but latley, I just don't feel like I belong. I have a lot to do, but it seems like I have no where to go. I feel like my life has no direction! I don't know what has changed, and I cannot recall feeling this way before.

I was at Bearracuda tonight, and I felt like I was a major outsider, I could not figure out how to break into what was going on there. There were plenty of people who know me, and I know them, but I could just not get into ther converstaions, or the grove of the environment.

When I got there, I did have a nice converstaion with one guy who I knew, who is about my age, but I just could not talk to others. I was sitting there helpless!

I think it is probably because I am practically living alone. Before Christmas, there was always someone here. The roomate, or the boyfriend. I don't have either of them here anymore. I am probalby just feeling lonely! And while going out I thought was supposed to help curb that, it does not seem to be working.

The one thing I have really enjoyed this past month is going country dancing with telecommunicate! TERPSICHORE, or Kira as I called him the other night. My dance muse. Thanks J.P.

I think I am going to start spending my weekends at home, except for Sundance Saloon. Catch up on tv, watch netflix dvd's, work on Stompede planning. Spring clean the apartment. Definatly do other things then go out to the bars.

It is weird, I didn't know being so popular would feel so lonely.

Comments

[bearfuz.livejournal.com]

It happens. *arm around shoulders*

[apparentparadox]

I don't have any great advice. I've been pretty much of a loner all my life, so I haven't experienced that kind of thing.

I believe that many things go in natural cycles. Definitely listen to your inner voice and see what will make you happy now. It may not be the same things that "worked" before.

[kiltbear.livejournal.com]

The whole "cycle" thing resonates with me. I find it helpful to remind myself "life is long" and "today is not tomorrow."

IMHO, it is also sometimes good to find out how to be comfortable just being by yourself. Take stock in what you like about you and how, when you are comfortable, you can share that "fabulous you-ness" with other people.

There is a LOT of you to love (and no, that is NOT a size joke, cock or waist). And I for one, do!

Also, if I remember correctly, you blogged in the past the power of telling people what you need or want, and I bet this post will get a lot of attention from folks who care and want to make you feel wanted for company.

[blackwingbear.livejournal.com]

Welcome to how shallow & lonely being "loved" (what a joke) can be.

[squalidbear.livejournal.com]

You're popular? Damn, who knew?

I can recommend taking a little 5HTP supplement daily, it helped even out my mood swings when I was going through the house sale and stuff.

[enhydrasf.livejournal.com]

take drugs? is that the answer to everything? probably.

What *is* "Popular", anyway?

[allanh.livejournal.com]

"Popular" doesn't mean "purposeful".

I've suffered all my life from always feeling like an outsider. To a certain extent, gay square dancing has helped ameloriate that feeling ... until after the dancing's over, and everyone else suddenly takes off in seven other directions, leaving me all alone.

For about 5 or 6 years now, I've found that setting myself up somewhere visible and easily accessible (e.g., a square dance convention's hotel lobby) will usually result in some VERY nice people coming over to sit down and talk to me. These people - often outsiders and loners themselves - tend to have fascinating stories, are highly entertaining, and many of them have become very good friends with me over the years.

urbear has posted about having Aspberger's Syndrome, and I feel fairly certain I probably have it, too. I just can't mix naturally with other people the way I observe other people interacting. I can make a conscious effort to emulate the behavior, but it never becomes more than just an emulation.

We don't know each other terribly well, but I suspect that both Randy and I would enjoy getting to know you better. (And perhaps toss a friendly otter or two your way when we run across 'em.)

Perhaps we could get together at Peter's Coffee Shop (next to Millbrae BART) for lunch or dinner ... ?

And I'll second squalidbear's comments about 5-HTP. It's an over the counter supplement, and it does help to make me feel less depressed when I find my mood swinging. I also use an under-the-tongue supplement called "GABA Calm" (Whole Foods or GNC should stock it) to help out with anxiety.

I can't offer much, but....

[sfmini.livejournal.com]

I don't know what the answer is. I have no problem talking to people and participating in social situations. I have no problem being part of the lives of my friends, though that circle is minuscule. What I totally fail at is trying to take those social contacts to the next level and develop supporting friendships out of them. I take all the advice of friends and use my best instincts to let these people know I'm interested, but it falls flat. Often I end up, like today, with an entire Sunday with nobody around and only a TiVo full of stuff to fill my day. I really don't feel like I don't fit in. It is a big feeling of being lost, I know. Did you get my email 2-3 weeks ago?

[dendren.livejournal.com]

I pretty much feel like an outsider looking in 99% of the time. I hide it well I think but sometimes it is so overwhelming it makes it hard to even leave the house. Even at the height of having a good time on our cruise last year I consistently felt like I didn't belong and/or just plain wasn't welcome. I think that is why I am so often seen wandering around alone just outside the center of everything going on. I've worked a long time at not keeping my own social phobia keep me from doing things socially.

But... what I'm trying to say here is rationally I know SO many of us have these feelings from time to time, even a big ol socialite like you mister. I'm not sure that "hanging at home alone watching dvds and tv" is the right answer here tho... dealing with feeling out of place by becoming a hermit... yeeeeah... that doesn't help things methinks.

You'll be fine sweetie and hopefully this will pass quick for ya. xoxox

[auntie-lukers.livejournal.com]

Aw. Hugs.
I think it's a normal, reoccurring part of the human existence.

Don't isolate yourself too much, you don't wanna go into a "shame spiral", Poodle!

It's not weird

[arkanjil.livejournal.com]

in fact it's more common than most (unpopular) people think- that's something I picked up hanging around J and his circle of popular people, among others.

The trick, I fear, about spending time alone, is that you got to enjoy your own company. People who do that well are few and far between- and to be sure, I'm not one of them, either.

But on the plus- you are a good man, a mover, and capable of doing great things when you set your mind to it. Social life is pretty much like the rest of the world- at the heart of it all, it's all cause and affect. Nothing about your current social circumstance is truly set in stone - all you got to do is frocus on how best to change your current course, je?

Hugs, sir; you deserve 'em

[ufcub.livejournal.com]

We all go through bouts of loneliness, babe. Life isn't always going to go the way we hope, but the important thing to know is that you are alive and have a lot of good things going on around you. I recently posted about a card reading that I had last week, and it was about the same kind of issue - a need for direction. What came out of it for me was that my life's final destination is NOT known to me, and it doesn't really matter in the end. What matters is the journey... living life, and not worrying about where you're going. Just GO! You'll end up on the path that best suits your life.

And being alone isn't necessarily a bad thing, either. When you go OUT, you can be around the folks that you know and who love you. But when you're home, now you have DAVE time. Use that. Revel in it. We all need time to ourselves and time surrounded by our friends. It's just that you're going through a change right now, and change is rarely easy... but change is GOOD! Try to focus on that.

OK, enough of my inspirational speech now LOL Just know that being alone physically in your home doesn't mean that you're really "alone". XOXOX

[eireangus.livejournal.com]

Let's hang out soon! Sean and I are pretty boring so it'll be fun :-) Hehe!

[pharmbear.livejournal.com]

I think everyone has these feelings on ocassion and it is good to purge ourselves and get it out. So I think that expressing it is healthy and I wasn't going to comment. But being the "touchy feely" guy that I am, I am still moved to comment.

There are lots of changes going on in your life now. The split with Sam, Richard the roomate getting out there, Richard the ex moving to Texas...these changes are bound to have an effect on you.

I have also noticed however that you are a man who likes ....well, let's say A LOT of stimulation and positive affirmation....preferably from younger otters. Any other type of guy, well...doesn't count. I have grown to accept this in you as part of who you are. I think that you actually get even more people knocking on your door than you realize so try to be more open to that. I am not saying you need to go to bed with men who don't turn you on....just be open to interacting with them at some level. Your feelings will pass. They probably already have.

[greengadfly.livejournal.com]

Just look at that pic right there and feel the love, babe.

You are never alone.

xoxo Drew

[dhbearguy.livejournal.com]

You're the best Green!!!!