Fitting in

[dhbearguy]

I kinda feel lost. I kinda feel like I don't fit in. It's werid, but latley, I just don't feel like I belong. I have a lot to do, but it seems like I have no where to go. I feel like my life has no direction! I don't know what has changed, and I cannot recall feeling this way before.

I was at Bearracuda tonight, and I felt like I was a major outsider, I could not figure out how to break into what was going on there. There were plenty of people who know me, and I know them, but I could just not get into ther converstaions, or the grove of the environment.

When I got there, I did have a nice converstaion with one guy who I knew, who is about my age, but I just could not talk to others. I was sitting there helpless!

I think it is probably because I am practically living alone. Before Christmas, there was always someone here. The roomate, or the boyfriend. I don't have either of them here anymore. I am probalby just feeling lonely! And while going out I thought was supposed to help curb that, it does not seem to be working.

The one thing I have really enjoyed this past month is going country dancing with telecommunicate! TERPSICHORE, or Kira as I called him the other night. My dance muse. Thanks J.P.

I think I am going to start spending my weekends at home, except for Sundance Saloon. Catch up on tv, watch netflix dvd's, work on Stompede planning. Spring clean the apartment. Definatly do other things then go out to the bars.

It is weird, I didn't know being so popular would feel so lonely.

Comments

[dendren.livejournal.com]

I pretty much feel like an outsider looking in 99% of the time. I hide it well I think but sometimes it is so overwhelming it makes it hard to even leave the house. Even at the height of having a good time on our cruise last year I consistently felt like I didn't belong and/or just plain wasn't welcome. I think that is why I am so often seen wandering around alone just outside the center of everything going on. I've worked a long time at not keeping my own social phobia keep me from doing things socially.

But... what I'm trying to say here is rationally I know SO many of us have these feelings from time to time, even a big ol socialite like you mister. I'm not sure that "hanging at home alone watching dvds and tv" is the right answer here tho... dealing with feeling out of place by becoming a hermit... yeeeeah... that doesn't help things methinks.

You'll be fine sweetie and hopefully this will pass quick for ya. xoxox