What would you do??? Need your input.

[dhbearguy]

So on January 15th, I

I was sitting at my desk minding my own business.

The 2 sales guys in the cubes across from me were talking personal crap. Hey I can dig it. Also there was the Office admin.

During their conversation, one of the sales guys proceeded to tell the other 2 the following.

"I pulled up next to this car the other day and this guy was looking at me. After he pulled ahead I saw he had a rainbow sticker on his car. I should have rear ended the bastard."

I immediately got up from my desk and went to the Operations Manager (HR) office to have a chat with them. They were in a meeting. The girl next to me (Kay) heard the conversation also and broke up a meeting that HR was in to get this reported.

So Myself, Key, June (Lesbian Co-Worker) Michelle (My Lesbian Manager) and Diana (HR Person) had a chat in her office about it.

Diana assured me that the issue would be handled immediately.



My manager told me yesterday that HR told the guy he was not allowed to talk to anyone about it in the office ever. Ever since this incident, I have had no respect for this Morman as a person. I treat him with respect as a co-worker, but that is it. If he says hi, I say hi. If he has to talk to me about an account, I talk with him. It is a work environment.

My manager also told me that he believes there is tension between us. I guess he found out who snitched. He told my manager that he feels that he can't approach me and that it is causing issues between our departments. He also told her that if he had known I was gay at the time, he would not have told the story.

She told me that he may approach me to talk with me outside the office, because I guess what he did has been guilting him since January.

My initial thought is to let him feel guilty. It was a hateful thing to say no matter who it was about. I think he wants to apologize and ask for my forgiveness so he can get over the guilt he is feeling from his comments. I am inclined not to forgive him. If it was a gay joke, that is one thing. Since it had a violent hateful context, I just find that to be unforgivable.

What are your thoughts. Should I forgive the guy, or just let him live with the guilt and just continue to be professional at work.

Comments

[kevin-v5.livejournal.com]

If he wants to talk to you and apologise try to get to the bottom of why exactly he is apologising. If he is apologising because he realizes that it was a hatefull thing to say and perhaps he has learned something from this then that is one thing. If he is apologising soley because of guilt that you overheard what he was saying or just to try and reduce the tension then that is a whole 'nother thing.

I do believe that some people can learn from things like this.

Be Professional and human

[hotelbearsf.livejournal.com]

Professionalism always wins but if he does approach you to apologize, let him know that such comments really hurt. I'm sure he would feel hurt if someone said something about his ethnic background, physical deficiencies or so forth. That's the human side. You'll end up making a friend and an ally in the end because you kill more flies with honey than you do with a can of Raid.

[eireangus.livejournal.com]

I think you should forgive him if you feel is apology is genuine.

:-)

[bigredpaul.livejournal.com]

Forgiveness isn't just for him - it's also for you. You see, you are now carrying around an unwanted piece of anger that just burns your soul, and for what? Just so that other guy can feel bad, too? That's not how humans are supposed to treat each other - all that does is create more barriers, more misunderstandings, and less love and caring in the world.

I'd say love him by forgiving him - and love yourself by forgiving him.

[dhbearguy.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the thoughts. That seems to be the concensus. I really appreciate it and the more insight I get the more I am inclined to talk to him and let him know that I am no longer angry. Thanks to eveyone for their fine suggestions.

I really appreciate it. I will let you know how it goes.
Dave